


One Step At A Time

by SanityCayCay



Category: Thomas Sanders
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-16 15:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16956981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanityCayCay/pseuds/SanityCayCay
Summary: WARNING: This book covers some very heavy and serious topics, as I wanted it to be my first professional book. This chapter alone talks about abuse, cutting, a suicide attempt, selective mutism, and most likely some more things I can't think to mention as triggers.READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!Please do not hate my book because of the adult themes, you will be warned at the top of each chapter the triggers it involves.Please, please, please comment your thoughts and if you see any mistakes. I would love to respond and I strive to always improve my stories.





	1. Regression And A Failed Attempt

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This book covers some very heavy and serious topics, as I wanted it to be my first professional book. This chapter alone talks about abuse, cutting, a suicide attempt, selective mutism, and most likely some more things I can't think to mention as triggers.
> 
> READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
> 
> Please do not hate my book because of the adult themes, you will be warned at the top of each chapter the triggers it involves.
> 
> Please, please, please comment your thoughts and if you see any mistakes. I would love to respond and I strive to always improve my stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This book covers some very heavy and serious topics, as I wanted it to be my first professional book. This chapter alone talks about abuse, cutting, a suicide attempt, selective mutism, and most likely some more things I can't think to mention as triggers.
> 
> READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
> 
> Please do not hate my book because of the adult themes, you will be warned at the top of each chapter the triggers it involves.Please, please, please comment your thoughts and if you see any mistakes. I would love to respond and I strive to always improve my stories.

**(Virgil's POV)**

I slowly put my foot forward, stepping into the icy cold waters. I shiver, but close my eyes and breathe in, relinquishing the cold instead of stepping back. The water filled my sneakers and drenched my socks, making my feet numb.

The rocks in my pocket felt heavy.

I take another step, then another, and continue until I'm up to the waist in the freezing cold.

It's not until I've reached my shoulders, shivering violently, and my brain numb with cold, that I hear Patton scream.

I start to panic, and take a deep breath before pushing of the lake-floor and diving under the water.

It fills my ears and I sink to the bottom of the lake, the top only about two feet away, but I didn't want to be above the water.

I didn't want to breathe anymore.

I feel strong arms wrap around me, and I pull away, black spots starting to appear in my line of vision as my oxygen began to weaken.

They grab me again and start dragging me to the top. I weakly push away, and their hands scramble into my jacket pocket, pulling out one of the heavy rocks. I squirm around more, feeling myself losing consciousness.

They take out another rock and drop it, and as it hits the sand, it lets up a huge cloud of it.

I only had two rocks left, but I was too tired to resist as they pull them out, and our heads break the surface of the water.

The black spots spread, leaving a headache until all I can see is black.

I pass out in the arms of someone dragging me out of the waters.

At first, I feel heat, this burning pain that makes my skin feel like ice, and like I was burning to death at the same time.

I wriggle around feebly, but I can't seem to open my mouth to let out the screams of pain. The darkness is too much. I open my eyes slightly, and a bright white light burns them.

I shut them again just as fast and focus on the pins and needles spreading through my body as it warmed up. It hurt like hell, but even worse was that I had failed. I could tell whoever had laid me on the couch had taken off my jacket. I couldn't feel the fabric protecting my arms anymore, telling me the worst.

Someone had probably seen the scars.

I open my eyes again, but don't shut them as I adjust to the burning pain.

I deserved it anyway. 

Patton was fast asleep on the armchair next to the couch, but he startled awake when I sat up in defeat.

"Virgil," He said softly. I stare down at my lap, not wanting to look at him and see his disappointed face. 

Besides, I knew it by heart now, a small pointed nose, dimples when he smiles, light green eyes, and a slightly small mouth that was almost always smiling. I peeked up.

It wasn't smiling now. 

I hated this part. 

Patton never got mad at me, he was always just disappointed.

It made me feel horrible.

"Virgil look at me," Patton says firmly. I stare down at the blanket, my safety blanket, that Logan had bought for me after my first attempt, a bullet to the forehead. 

It had one small hole in the corner that I hadn't noticed before. For a minute I imagined the darkness that swept over my brain creeping through the hole when I was cuddled under it after a bad nightmare, slowly consuming me.

The thought scared me, so I tried to picture gentle colors drifting through the hole, wrapping around me and keeping me safe as I calmed down from panic attacks.

" _Virgil_ ,  _look at me right now_!"

My head snaps up at Patton's unusual tone. 

"You have got to stop doing this Virgil! This," Patton grabs my arm and holds it up, and I stare guiltily at the hundreds of scars that littered the inside of my arm, "is not okay! Why can't you tell me when you feel bad Virgil?!"

"I can't, I just can't!" I sob, the tears that had threatened to fall since I woke up finally streaming down my face. 

"Why?!" Patton was crying too, "Why won't you come to me?! That's...that's my j-job! I'm supposed...supposed to protect y-you! And when you d-don't, I feel like I'm...I'm failing you!" 

**(3rd Person's POV)**

Patton couldn't stop himself as he flung his arms around Virgil, making him flinch, and clutched tightly onto his grey tee-shirt.

Virgil sobbed harder, he knew Patton wasn't going to hurt him, but a flash of terrible memories raced through his head. 

When they both finally stopped crying, Patton pulls back, his shoulder wet where Virgil was crying on it, and peppers Virgil's face with kisses.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." He tells Virgil over and over again, "Don't you forget it." 

"I won't." Virgil giggles quietly, meekly trying to push Patton away, his hair finally starting to dry off in the heat of the house. Patton stops and leans back on the couch, staring at Virgil curiously.

"What are we gonna do with you, huh?" He asks, tilting his head.

"Send me back to the group home?" Virgil suggests glumly. Patton stares at him a second, then leans forward and kisses all over Virgil's face again.

"What did I just say?" He asks in exasperation.

"That you love me."

"And?" Patton asks impatiently.

"Not to forget it."

"So, I'll ask again, what should we do with you kiddo? Hmm?" Patton inquires. Virgil shrugs, staring down at the blanket again. Patton gently holds Virgil's face in his hands, making him look up again.

"I'm sorry you feel this way, Vee." Patton murmers, "I wish I could make you feel happy, and safe. I wish I was there when you were younger. I wish I know where you were when you were younger, so I could have your dad arrested. I wish so  _much_  for you, Virgil." 

Patton's eyes sparkled with a sad longing, "You are such a wonderful person, and your gonna do great things one day." 

"Dad, were you the one who..." Virgil asks before trailing off.

"No," Patton whispers, "It was Logan. He had to go meet someone, a doctor, I think." Patton comfortingly patted Virgil's knee, then pushes himself up. 

Peering out the window at the ocean that almost took him, almost took his Virgil from him, Patton felt like crying all over again. 

 _I should have been more careful_ , Patton thinks,  _I should have paid more attention to him. Maybe if I hadn't bought a house near the ocean..._

Patton shakes the thought away and turns to look at Virgil, peacefully dozing on the couch.

_All the talking must have worn him out._

Virgil normally didn't talk this much. Logan and the social worker had explained to Patton that it was a symptom of abuse. Virgil only talked during serious discussions, when he absolutely had too. It was called selective mutism.

Patton loved when Virgil talked, loved listening to his slightly raspy voice from his underused throat. 

He like hearing him talk, period.

The door slams open and Roman rushes in.

"Is he okay?!" He shouts.

"Shh!" Patton hushes him, motioning over to the sleeping Virgil.

"Ohh, thank god." Roman rushes over to the couch, gently grabbing the sleeping Virgil's hand and holding it. 

"Where's Logan?"

"He went to see someone, some sort of doctor," Patton tells him. Roman sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here, I left to take Joey and Cupquake on a walk. Virgil told me he was fine, and I was sure I'd only be gone-"

"Shh, shh, it's okay. He's okay, and I can't expect you to be able to babysit him all the time. You and Logan both have jobs, and the dogs need to be taken on walks. I don't blame you, Roman." Patton reassures him. 


	2. Ice Cream and an Unwanted Drive to a Therapist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Selective mutism, forceful promises, and mention of a therapist.
> 
> Please comment suggestions, comments, questions, and any grammar, spelling or other mistakes you've noticed.

 

**(3rd Person's POV)**

"Is Virgil all right?" Logan's British accent broke the quiet of the house. Patton and Roman looked up from the floor where they had been watching Virgil.

"He's asleep," Patton tells him. Logan walks into the living room and sits down in the armchair. It was silent for a moment longer, then Logan finally spoke up.

"I'll watch Virgil tomorrow." He offers, "I only need to run a few errands, and I want to bring Virgil somewhere."

"Where?" Patton asks.

"It's entirely safe." Logan reassures him, "In fact, it may help Virgil. I promise I won't let him out of my sights, dad."

"Okay..." Patton reluctantly agrees. Logan nods curtly, and stands up, picking the sleeping teenager up and carrying him up to his room, the safety blanket still wrapped around him.

"How is it that Logan is stronger than me?" Roman huffs sullenly.

"Aww, you're still my strong kiddo." Patton giggles, patting Roman on the shoulder, "It's probably because Logan carries those huge piles of books around all the time. Now, what do you say you help me make dinner?"

"Depends," Roman says suspiciously, "What's for dinner?"

"A pasta bake, don't worry." Patton crosses his fingers over his heart.

Logan sat on the rocking chair in Virgil's room, watching the slow steady breathing of his younger foster sibling. Sighing, Logan resigns to his fate and walks over to Virgil's bookshelf, picking out the most grown-up book Virgil had,  **It**. 

Horror was not Logan's favorite genre, or his second favorite, but it was either  **It**  or one of the many children's books that lined Virgil's bookshelf.

 Logan knew that Virgil kept most of his novels and young adult books on the bookshelf in the living room, and preferred to keep his more lighthearted books close to his bed, in case of a nightmare. 

Logan also knew that Patton read Virgil a bedtime story each night, and sometimes found himself lurking outside the door to Virgil's room, listening to Patton read him Judy Blume or Junie B. Jones to ensure Virgil's mind was on a happy subject before bed. 

But Logan would never tell Roman that. 

Curling back up on the rocking chair, Logan opens the book and reads until he accidentally falls asleep. 

That was how Patton found them an hour later when he went to go tell them it was time for dinner.

Smiling at the two peaceful boys, Patton quietly shuts the door and heads back downstairs, telling Roman that it would just be the two of them eating dinner that night. Cupquake barks angerly as he says that and stamps her paw on the floor, smacking Joey with her tail as if to say "We're here too".

Roman and Patton laugh at the silly huskies and Patton almost spills some of his water as poor Joey gets smacked with her tail again. 

Patton takes a picture with his instant camera and pastes it into his fasILY scrapbook as soon as he and Roman finish eating. Roman heads out and drives away in the car, going to see some play he had been obsessed with for weeks.

The entire house was silent. Patton cleans the dishes off in the sink and puts the remaining pasta in the fridge before heading upstairs.

Checking on Virgil and Logan once more, Patton changes into his night clothes and snuggles under his covers, falling fast asleep.

The next morning, Logan wakes up in the rocking chair with a huge crick in his neck. Grimacing at the pain, Logan heads into his room to get dressed, Virgil and Roman still asleep. 

Patton had left for work at the hospital two hours earlier, and left a note on the door that Logan found as he went downstairs to make breakfast.

_Have fun today, and keep a close eye on Virgil. I won't be back till late. Love you! Dad_

Logan smiles at the note and takes out the ingredients to make chocolate chip pancakes, Virgil's favorite. 

He's in the middle of flipping the pancakes when he hears the loud clomping of Roman's boots on the stairs and Virgil's protesting giggles.

 Roman walks into the kitchen, carrying the younger teen in his arm. Virgil was blushing madly, he hated being carried when he was awake, let alone when he was asleep. Unfortunately, he had figured out long ago that his two older foster siblings and dad absolutely  _loved_  carrying him anywhere.

"Hey, Virge." Logan greets Virgil as Roman tips him onto the floor.

" _Hey, Lo._ " Virgil signs and ducks his head, curiously looking at the pancakes that Logan was piling on a large plate. 

"Aaron is having a party next week, on Tuesday. He wants you to come." Logan mentions casually; as if his mind wasn't spinning with plans.

" _You know I don't like parties._ " 

Logan sets the plate on the table and grabs three more plates, along with three sets of forks and knives. Roman scoffs at Logan and grabs the syrup, waving it in front of Logan's face before setting it down on the table.

"Unlike you two weirdos, I like actual flavor on the pancakes." He complains, "And you refusing to get it out for me just makes my mornings harder!"

"I still think you should go." Logan continues, ignoring Roman, "There won't be too many people there, and you haven't seen Aaron in a long time."

" _Logan-_ "

"Promise me you'll go." Logan orders. Roman looked up from his pancakes, suddenly very uncomfortable. 

Virgil sighs, " _Okay, okay. I'll go._ " Logan holds his pinkie, something he never did, and Virgil reluctantly hooked his pinkie around his. They all finish eating and Roman clears the dishes while Logan grabs his and Virgil's coats.

"Here," Logan tosses the coat to Virgil, "I need to go on some errands, I want you to come with." Virgil pulls on his coat and follows Logan out the door. 

**(Virgil's POV)**

I climb into the backseat of Roman's car, Logan getting in the front. He pulls out of the driveway, the tires screeching on the gravel, and starts driving down the road next to the beach. 

I noticed him subtly lock the doors once we had gotten in, and it just now hit me that he didn't trust me anymore. Even after my third attempt, an overdose on pills, he had never locked the cabinet. He still trusted me even after what I tried to do.  

I sigh and settle down into my seat. The first place Logan stops a small ice cream shop called The Abominable Snowman. Logan unbuckles his seatbelt and turns around, handing me five dollars.

"Go buy ice cream." He tells me, "In a bowl. I want mint chocolate chip and panda paws." I nod and unbuckle, stepping out and heading into the ice cream shop while Logan heads into the grocery across the street.

I order his ice cream, then a plain chocolate for me, and take the two bowls to our usual table outside. 

Logan always took me to The Abominable Snowman after an attempt.

 He comes out a few minutes later with the week's groceries. He loads them into the trunk and sits next to me, taking slow bites of his ice cream. When we finally finish he tosses our cups away and we get back in the car.

" _Where are we going now?_ "

"Someplace special." Logan reassures me, "To meet someone. You're really gonna like him, Virgil." He starts driving again, a ways away from the small town, and I begin to get uneasy. 

" _Who are we going to see?_ "

"...A man named Dr. Picani." He tells me reluctantly.

" _A doctor? You're taking me to see a doctor? Why?_ "

"Calm down." Logan turns on the radio and soft Motzart from his C.D spills out. I start to feel drowsy, the cocky bastard knew classical music made me sleepy."

"Shh, just listen to the music." He says smoothly, "We'll be there soon."

" _Bastard._ "

He laughs and I drift off. 


	3. A Visit With Dr. Picani

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Therapy visit, mention of abuse, mention of depression, mention of anxiety, mention of suicide attempts

**WARNING: Therapy visit, mention of abuse, mention of depression, mention of anxiety, mention of suicide attempts**

**(3rd Person's POV)**

Logan parks outside the building Dr. Picani's office was in. Getting out of the car, Logan unlocks the back door and unbuckles the sleeping Virgil. Carefully picking him up, he carries him inside and sits down on one of the couches in the waiting room.

"Dr. Picani is ready to see you now." The brunette receptionist tells him with a smile a few minutes later.

Logan carries Virgil into Dr. Picani's office and sets him down on the brown leather couch, quietly shaking him awake. Virgil groans and straightens up, a panicked look taking over his features as he sees his surroundings.

"Don't freak out. You'll love Dr. Picani, I promise." Logan tells him.

" _But he'll-_ "

"He won't judge you or make you do anything you don't want to do, Vee." Logan reassures him, "My friend, Elliot comes here. Dr. Picani is really nice, and I'll be just outside the door if you need me." 

Before Virgil can protest any more Logan ruffles his hair and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him. 

Virgil glances uneasily around at the objects in the room, a pineapple lamp, a bookshelf overflowing with stuffed animals and other such things, and a small desk that Dr. Picani probably sat at. 

"Helloooooooooooooooooo!" A male voice at the door yells, startling Virgil. He jumps slightly as a man with brown hair and a light pink floof hops into the room. 

"New patient!" Dr. Picani says excitedly, much too loudly for Virgil's taste. 

He flinches again as Dr. Picani sits down in his chair and straightens his light blue tie. 

"Hello, I am Dr. Picani! Do you how do?" He asks.

" _What?_ " Virgil signs in confusion.

"Ohh." Dr. Picani's face falls, "I thought it said in your paperwork you talked...is this the right room?" He glances around and Virgil shakes his head.

" _I have selective mutism._ "

"Ohh!" The smile jumps back on his face, "Well, I can still understand you, so that's perfectly fine." 

Virgil sighs softly in relief. At least Dr. Picani wasn't one of those doctors that tried to force him to talk.

"So, what brings you here?" Dr. Picani asks, pulling out a notebook and pen.

" _My brother told me I should come. Then he brought me here. I didn't really want to do this._ " Dr. Picani smiles.

 "You know, for someone who doesn't talk, you're very talkative. But that's okay!" He adds when he sees Virgil's sad look, "You remind me of quite a few of my other patients, five in particular. Three of them are even around your age, and your brother Logan told me he's friends with one of them."  

" _Yeah, he told me his friend Elliot came here._ " 

"Ohh, yes, Elliot is a good kid, have you met him?"

Virgil nods. " _He's nice._ "

"Well, enough about Elliot." Dr. Picani gets comfortable in his chair, "This is about you! So, why do you think your brother wanted you to see me?"

" _Because I've been having..._ " Virgil pauses and searches for the right word, " _...problems._ "

"Well, problems aren't fun." Dr. Picani frowns, "But maybe I can help you a little with it."

" _Maybe._ "

"Well let's see, it says your a foster child. Do you feel comfortable telling me about that?"

" _My real father he...he hurt me. And he blamed me for my mom being trans._ "

"Your mom is trans? Neato!" Dr. Picani notes, "I'm sorry about your dad."

" _It's not your fault. I probably deserved it._ "

"Never say that. You don't deserve anything horrible, Virgil. You're a lovely person." Dr. Picani pauses, then slyly looks up, "You know, you're kinda like Snow White."

" _Snow-In-Summer? The Disney Princess?_ " Virgil asks incredulously.

"Well, yeah." Dr. Picani grins, "Besides being...if I might put this bluntly...very pale, you seem to have the same home problems, but instead of a step-mother, it's your birth dad."

" _I don't think I'm even a bit similar to a Disney Princess. Like, I enjoy Disney, but being Disney? No thanks._"

"Virgil, sometimes it's easier to compare yourself to other things, then it is to just say all your problems out loud." Dr. Picani tells him softly, "We solve one problem at a time. It's easier."

Dr. Picani straightens up, "So, you and Snow White. You both lived in abusive homes, before running away and being taken in. In Snow White's case, by the dwarves, and in your case, the foster care system that, after a few group homes and failed foster families, placed you with Patton."

" _Yeah, but my dad isn't sending a huntsman after me to carve out my heart._ " Virgil actually laughs, slightly surprising Dr. Picani, who smiles afterward.

"But your dad, he is still at large, correct?"

The smile falls off Virgil's face, and he nods.

"Okay..." Dr. Picani writes something down in his notebook then looks up. "You have a nice laugh."

Virgil felt his face go deep red with blush. " _I sound like a dying donkey._ "

"True," Dr. Picani admits with a shrug, "But I still think it's a nice one."

" _Sure._ " Virgil rolls his eyes, making Dr. Picani let out his own chuckle.

**(Dr. Picani's POV)**

My new kid, Virgil, seemed a little hesitant to tell me about his background, but that happened frequently with kids from abusive households. I felt like I was really getting him to open up and start talking to me more, and I even got us on the topic of Disney Princesses!

I use my witty charm to get a few more things about him out, then before you could say poisoned apple, the meeting was done.

Virgil's older foster brother Logan came back in to get him, and Virgil left as fast as he could.

I wasn't worried, he'd warm up to me.

**(Logan's POV)**

On the way out of Dr. Picani's office, although Virgil rushed to the car, the smile on his face was obvious.

I decided to stop at the Domino's Pizza near the edge of town so Dad wouldn't have to cook lunch when he got home for his break. Ordering the usual, one forth meat lovers, one-fourth extra cheese, one forth garlic, and one forth spicy chicken wing with a two-liter bottle of diet Pepsi cherry.

Our family was very specific in what it liked. 

Driving back home, Virgil rushes inside, carrying the soda and leaving me to carry the super hot box of pizza. 

"Welcome back Logan." Patton greets me with a hug as I set the pizza box down on the dining room table next to the soda. 

"Hello, dad. You're squeezing me too tight." I inform him.

"Oops, sorry!" Patton apologizes, quickly pulling away.

" _Tell me about it_ ," Virgil complains as I walk into the living room. He was sitting in Roman's lap, and Roman was hugging him as hard as he could.

"Ohh, my sweet baby boy." Patton coos, walking over and pinning Virgil in a group hug between Patton and Roman. 

"Dad, Roman, he can't breath," I tell them, noticing Virgil shooting pleading looks at me. 

"Ohh, but he's too cute!" Patton complains, refusing to let go of Virgil, although Roman yielded and let Patton scoop Virgil up and carry him over to the couch. 

" _I'm not a baby._ " Virgil complains, " _And I'm not cute._ "

"Falsehood," I say sternly.

" _But-_ "

Patton giggles and grabs his hands before he can say anything else, kissing every knuckle. "You're cute, you're cute, you're cute!" He tells Virgil.

Virgil let out a high pitched squeal of disapproval, which only made us coo at him more.

" _No, no, no, no, no!_ " 

"Yes!" We all shout and hug him.


End file.
